This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize