I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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