dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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