note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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