you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize