We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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