Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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