I'm so fucking centered right now
we have pet lesbian snakes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
