Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
