If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
