this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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