Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
