Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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