You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize