hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
