I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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