hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
