you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize