I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
