Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
