just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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