who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize