First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
