The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
