If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
