Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
