How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
