I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
