i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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