I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
ok first of all what the fuck
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
