Just cropdusted the office
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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