I'll bet she douches with gravy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
