We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
