lets start a swedish sibling band together
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
