the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
