I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
