Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
