brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
