How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
