ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just high enough for therapy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize