I love black thongs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
