i think my tv is drunk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
