Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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