I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
