This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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