I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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