i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
