I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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