you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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