i think my mom watched the whole time
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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