Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
