one two three fourrrrnication!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
