A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
