as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
