Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
