Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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