break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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