i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
