we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
