my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize