I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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