How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
