I just cut my nipple shaving
one might say we're banned from that church
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
