Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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