One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
