this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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